Who Needs Reality TV When You Have Reality?
To anyone who ever dares to sit near me, no matter how absorbed I appear to be some task, chances are good I am actually watching and listening to you. That means when I am sitting in a coffee shop typing a paper and refering to the text in "Lolita" chances are good that I am actually listening to the two guys next to me. One telling "a short story" on how he "might be borderline schizophrenic" but doesn't want to talk about it. And when your friend finally changed tables to sit with the two of you, though my expression may not have changed, I did in fact hear him state that he had just masturbated in the bathroom. In fact that paper I was writing, yeah, it had nothing to do with "Lolita" it was a short story about you and anyone else who caught my attention.
Sitting in Anthro lecture, if you sit in front of me and decide to take advantage of the wireless internet, I will read over your shoulder. So, to the girl who sat in front of me today, you tripped 'shrooms and ended up in Greeley with your pinky nail painted black? Seriously? Thats awesome, maybe not for you but that coughing fit I had was just me trying not to laugh.
And the other fav that was heard this weekend by Kiyomi and I, "I realize that my brother is fat, and I feel that if his hygiene were better he could totally date fat chicks."
People provide endless entertainment.
The Ass-less Wonder and More!
First off I want to thank all of you that offered and interpretation on the story I posted the other day. My partner and I feel the need to stand up in front of the class presenting all of your ideas. If you didn't offer up an analysis, what the hell man? Get on it! This thing isn't gonna write itself.
Moving right along
To finish off our poetry unit in creative writing we were honored by having a Slam Poet come in and talk/preform for us. Did you know that there is not only such a thing as a Haiku Battle, but that the audience throws out a word or phrase that the poet has to use while insulting their opponent? Our guest gave us an example of one where he lost. The phrase was "dead hooker" he didn't tell us what his haiku was but his opponent's was something along the lines of "what's that smell coming/ coming from the alley, dead hooker?/ No. It's your haiku." Why was I not informed of this earlier? I so want to go watch a Poetry Slam competition now, who wants to come with?
He also preformed a poem about "a little known disease" basically him not having an ass and how he and all the other ass-less people out there are going to rise up and steal celebrity asses. Oh and just a little FYI, he called dibs on J-Lo's.
Picking My Nose And Finding A Submarine
By J. Marcus Weekley
I shake all the Navy men from the minute boat. They fall screaming into the bathtub where they drown. One survives, so I trap him on the raft of soap, with the rubber ducky to guard him. The sailor's name is Seymour-he likes to be called "Jones"-but his wife and thirteen kids don't know his secret name like I do. I sing him "Happy Birthday" because it's his twenty-first. I tell him he's really old, like Abraham Lincoln. He's sad because I don't have any candles and the ducky won't sing along and all his friends are gone. I tell him they actually survived by swimming to another island where they eat chocolate and peanut-butter cookies all day. He wants to know why there aren't any girls in this ocean, but I sink his raft and he drowns and now it is time to go to bed.
That's right. I get to write a paper on this story.
An Olympic Torch, For Your Ear!
About two years ago my dad and brother got in to a debate over the existance of an invention known as an "Ear Candle." A large olympic torch like invention that you stick in your clogged ear and light the other end.
They made a bet about whether there was such a thing, they argued about it off and on over the last two years. And finally today they tracked one down. Now, instead of just admiting that he lost, my dad bought the ear candle AND tried it out, as you can see from the lovely photo.
this was one hell of a site to come home to let me tell you. But I would like to point out that they were mature about it. They had a full watering can sitting nearby, Dave didn't take the oppertunity to dump the whole thing on my dad.
My family is crazy.
A Cow Town No Longer?
This week seems to be Denver's attempt at showing the world that it is just as big and hip and all that as say LA or New York.
Having the whole NBA all star game and all the hoopla that goes with it helps. Today I was at the mall buying a belt and hadn't really made the connection that everyone would go to the Cherry Creek mall during the All Star festivities, but they did. In fact the mall proved to be extremely entertaining. Everyone was travelling in a group (with the exception of myself and a little old lady who didn't get the memo) or entouage rather, even security. It was common to see groups of teenagers packed close around their cameras and cell phone discussing their plan of attack, "ok, so if they are tall and black, take their picture." (I wish I could say I made that up.) then later sprinting through the mall while their friends yelled directions to them from the upper lever or over their cell phone. At one point I saw a group start snapping photos of another group who they thought to be famous, only to overhear their models laughing at them a few minutes later for mistaking them for a celebrity. One sales woman told me with pride that Paris Hilton (oh god.) had been there just yesterday.
In the midst of all the special events and P. Diddy and Michel Jordon private parties there is the other side to the big city show. Crime. At the moment there is a serial rapist on the run. In the past week he has attacked 5 people. Tonight around 6pm he struck again a meer six blocks from my house. This prompted a huge manhunt in the area. For about 4 hours helicopters circled the area. I think this man wants to be caught. Because he is targeting victims in one area (around cheeseman park) and he is attacking so frequently 100 Denver Police officers have been assigned to find him. That is all they are doing, looking for him. And, because of the NBA thing, every police officer in Denver is on duty for the next week. On the bus downtown this morning I couldn't help but notice that there was a police officer on every single block. I don't even want to jay walk there are so many cops around. You would think that this would be a good time to maybe, you know, lay low. Not to mention, according to the local news, pictures of him were shown this morning on national talk shows and he will be on "America's Most Wanted" in case he leaves the state.
Well, the helicopters must have had to refuel, I notice that they are back and that every few minutes a cop car drives down my street. It's at times like these I can't help but think of good old Patrick and what he felt the penelty for rape should be, "castration." I hope they find this guy.
As Luck Would Have It
On monday I opted to skip my philosophy class in order to study for my biological anthropology exam (ok ok. so I didn't study, but I was going to. scout's honor.) Only to find out on wensday that class was cancelled because the professor was sick. And despite not studying I got a B on my exam.
This morning I was talking to Kiyomi and looking at cool photographs online when I heard my bus go by. Not good. So I began to gather all my crap so I could catch the next bus. I got half way down the street and realized that my wallet, containing my student ID was at home. So I ran back to my house, missing the next bus. damn it! But the third bus was the charm. I made it to school, ran through campus into the art building only to see half my class walking toward me and a big note on the door saying that class was cancelled today. So the moral is, if you miss the first two buses to school, just give up and stay home. Its not worth the trip.
This past friday was my birthday. The friday before was Kiyomi's birthday. So the past two weekends have been more than our usual St. Mark's shenanigans.
Last week I picked her up in Greeley and we did another of our tours of denver. We tried once again to go to the top of the capital dome, and once again were unsuccessful. We hit one of those really crappy tourist shops and caused trouble in Barnes & Noble and the deserted Union Station. Saturday was St. Marks, we can't go a weekend without it. Sunday Drag Brunch at Bimp & Grind that came complete with an X rated show involving two Barbie dolls an mexican wrestler doll and special affects provided by a glass of milk.
This weekend it was fun at Casa Bonita, the tackiest restaurant in town, where we took loads of photos on those little rides you put a quarter in for little kids. They warned that weight on them should not exceed 70lbs. So naturally we had to challenge that by pilling three of us on to the Casa Bonita bus.
Soon after Kiyomi and I headed for St. Mark's and Rachel and Alex headed home (the usual weekend senario). But St. Mark's was different this time. Why? Because Kiyomi and I had bought children's grab bags at Casa Bonita. Let me just say, the boy's grab bags are way better than the girls. Kiyomi's was full of things like plastic make up and a creepy clown. Mine had a jumior tech kit that allowed you to build a car, a whole underwater Frogman figurine set and chocolate racecars. Both bags came with crappy postcards of colorado and a nice braclet, hers said "Brother" mine "Arizona" what? For the most part, people tried to ignore us. We started planning next years festivities, Casa Bonita again only with a pitcher of margaritas or Pina Coladas by the liter. Then we will move the 4ft. from St. Mark's to The Thin Man. Oh it'll be sweet.
Saturday I worked. it was lame. Then came home and put on my fabulous new dress before everyone came over for dinner. I must say Rachel, Kiyomi and I, we brought some class to this little shindig. After dinner and cake and all that fun stuff Kiyomi and I headed over to John's house. Where we watched Extreme Dodgeball! Let me tell you, it is exactly like the movie. So damn funny. The announcers say things like "He is the Elvis Costello of Dodgeball!" and "round 2 here comes the Big Ball. Hard to throw, hard to catch, easy to love." And there is a team named Bling, their captian has been growing his afro for 5 years. And the captian of the one team was Art Spigel, we really hope that it is the same Art Spigel that wrote the books Maus I & II. That would just make my day. Unfortunatly Dodgeball is not shown on ESPN 8 (the ocho) but some other crazy channel and as far as we could tell, did not feature cage dancers like in the movie, damn.
Anyway, thank you all for the great birthday. Now I have to go study for my biological anthropology test.
Also check out the photos from my camera by clicking on the title. I recommend the slideshow feature.
Happy Birthday to Me
I think the traditional Happy Birthday song is crap. And since it is my birthday, I should get to listen to whatever I want. So If you guys want to learn the words to this and seranade me, I would be more than happy to sit by and cheer.
Cracker's "Happy Birthday to Me"
I was having a good sleep
in my car
In the, parking lot of the
Showboat Casino hotel
I say, "I remember you
you drive like a PTA mother"
You brought me draft beer
in a plastic cup
I'm feeling thankful
for the small things, today
I'm feeling thankful
for the small things, today
Happy, Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
and to you
Happy, Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
and to you-ah
I'm feeling thankful
for the small things, today
I'm feeling thankful
for the small things, today
I remember you
I crashed your wedding
With some, orange crepe paper
and some Halloween candy
A sometimes
I wish I were Catholic
I don't know why
I guess I'm happy to see your face
at a time like this
Happy, Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
and to you-ah
Happy, Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
and to you-ah
Happy Birthday baby, to me
Happy Birthday, to me
Happy Birthday, to me
Happy Birthday, to me
Denim Dan
I really hate shopping for jeans. That is why when my H&M jeans started falling apart at the seems I took the time to sew them back together. Then they started to disintigrate. So for about two months, maybe a little longer, I told myself that I was gonna go jean shopping....next week.
This week I finally went jean shopping. And miracle of miracles i found a pair that fit! Now I don't mean that fit my waist, thats easy, I know the neck trick! But I found a pair that I don't have to hem! Something like this only comes along every decade or so! A pair of pants could make my ass look the size of texas, but if I don't have to hem them I will buy them. I never find pants that are the right length! Maybe because I dont' like to take the time to put any real effort into pants shopping. I grab the cheapest pairs (because few things piss me off more than an expensive pair of pants falling apart) and as few as possible and try them on in record time. And when you find a pair that fits, you buy several of them.
So now I have more than one pair of jean, they fit, they were cheap and the crap dye has turned my legs an odd blue so it looks like I was in a bad accident. so sexy.
LOOK!! Up In The Sky!
As I have said, two of my favorite pass times are people watching and eves dropping. So today when i heard a nice disscussion about the Batman movies I stopped staring at the wall and turned my attention to the three people in the front of the class. At first they were simply comparing the different actors, who played a better batman blah blah blah. Then the conversation turned to superheros in general. At this point someone mentioned that he had an adult size Superman costume in his closet.
"Thats awesome. But...why do you have it?"
"I dunno. But it makes you feel good looking through your closet first thing in the morning. Suit, suit, suit, suit, Superman outfit, suit, suit."
Suddenly my own wardrobe seems so, so...lame.
Special Olympics Fish
I love my fish Hank. I really do. I even wrote a Haiku about him and his odd relatioship with Gary the palstic snail for my creative writing class. But Hank is probably the most retarded fish I have ever seen.
I walked into my room the other day and saw that Hank was belly up. I was so sad. Since someone Cough *Kiyomi* cough, excuse me, is out to kill him and dave and my dad have a bet as to how long Hank will live, I have really rooted for the little guy! But then I looked into his bowl and noticed that Hank was moving a lot for being dead. In fact he was moving more than usual (he is a very lazy goldfish). Hank was very much alive, he had somehow gotten himself stuck upside down and couldn't flip himself back over. I had to reach in and flip him over. That is so pathetic.
New York New York!
My mom is taking me to New York for spring break! Whoo hoo!! I am so excited, you don't even know.
now I just have to wait a month and a half...dang.
